For what ever reason you’ve decided to win back your ex husband, but you’re not sure how to go about it. You’ve realized he wasn’t as bad as you thought compared to a few others available to you or perhaps there are no others available and think he’s better than nothing. Just maybe you’re still head over heels in love with him and are pretty desperate to have him back. Whatever your reason; it maybe possible and it maybe difficulty but it’s worth a try.
Before doing anything to approach him, you need to think seriously about what caused the break up. If he was responsible, have you forgiven him? How serious was it really? Has he made any change that convinces you it won’t just happen again? Has he had enough time to heal?
If you were at fault, do you think he will ever forgive you if he hasn’t already? Have you made changes in your life to make sure it wouldn’t happen again? If not, why should he have you back? What was the relationship like before the breakup? Would he consider it valuable enough to return to you? What were the highs and lows of your married life? What were the highs and lows before you married?
Are there any children involved and what would be the impact on their lives? Do they want him around again?
So many questions you say! All these and more will need to be answered to win back your ex husband. It is wise to give them all some thought before proceeding. Be prepared to answer them and make changes in your life as necessary.
The first step is to try to meet with him in a place that has fond memories for you both and is quiet enough for you to talk. Avoid any place that is loud, busy or has distractions. You want to talk in a calm gentle manner without having to shout.
You could express the desire to meet with him by saying, “I can’t talk on the phone but I’d like to meet with you about something that’s very important and affects both of us. When is your next free evening?”
Have a clear outline in your mind of what it is you want to say. Think about what would come across as loving and considerate for you both. Include a mental or written list of the reasons you see for getting back together.
It is good to deal with the forgiveness aspect here if you can. Make sure he knows he is forgiven if it was his fault or ask for his forgiveness if it was yours. Try to be sensitive to the timing of when it would be appropriate to deal with this. It’s likely that you both have issues that need forgiving, so be humble in this area.
If your ex husband is willing to meet you then you can be optimistic that things could go well. If he doesn’t want to meet initially, don’t push or verbally abuse him, simply say, “That’s OK maybe another time.” Give him time to process the fact that you want to start talking again. Try again a few weeks later.
Make sure you don’t start begging, pleading or trying to manipulate. That is almost a guarantee that you won’t win back your ex husband. Instead, act with dignity and self-respect.
Finally, if all your attempts to meet with him directly are unsuccessful, you should consider a third party mediator. Depending on your personal circumstances, the mediator could be a friend, a family member, a minister or a counseling service. If there has been a serious breach of trust between you, then it could be that he needs a lot more time to heal and process your desire to restore the marriage.
To win back your ex husband could be a long and painful journey, so be prepared to hang in for the long haul and do the personal work required.