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Most people with marriages that are in crisis would rather know how to prevent a divorce than end the marriage. While the emotions may run high with feelings of just ending it all and getting out, they often have a deeper desire to restore the love they once had and make changes so it works better.

The 15 biggest mistakes people make when trying to rescue their relationship and what to do instead

The 15 biggest mistakes people make when trying to rescue their relationship and what to do instead

Divorce is a high price to pay and not an easy option by any means. It will take an emotional and financial toll on all parties and can have a serious psychological impact on any children involved. For these reasons it is worth having a close look at the value of the relationship you once had, what it could be with some serious work and plan how to prevent a divorce from having an impact on your life and those around you.

In this article we’re going to look at a few things that could bring about change if you really want it. The change will be in you and have an affect on your relationship. Do not waste your time trying to change your partner. Work on the attitudes and beliefs that are holding you in this position of crisis and what you can do to bring about the desired change in the relationship and its future. I’m not suggesting that it’s your entire fault just that your priority needs to be to take responsibility for that which is your responsibility and that is not your spouse; it’s you. If you’re not able to prevent a divorce, you’ll be a better person for going through the process, better equipped for the future and be able to hold your head up knowing that you made every effort to save the marriage.

The first thing you need to do is change your negative disagreeing language into positive agreeing language. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with what’s not true you simply agree and take ownership of what is true. Don’t try and defend yourself from every accusation, but rather evaluate what has been said and repeat back whatever is true. This will have the powerful affect of you taking ownership for your issues and disarming your spouse.

Let’s consider an example where you have been accused of nagging. There is often an element of truth in every accusation. Instead of lashing out with, “If you ever did what I asked there wouldn’t be a problem,” quietly respond, “You’re right, I suppose I do nag at times when I think you’re not listening, it’s something I’m trying to work on.” If you watch your tone and don’t come across as sarcastic, it will have the effect of disarming your spouse as you take ownership and show that you’re working on the problem and trying to prevent a divorce.

The next goal to have is too lighten the atmosphere around you. When people are under stress they project it to those around them and so compound that stress. Instead try to bring laughter and joy back into your life and relationship. You may need to get the help of friends and humbly say, “We’re having some difficulties and I want to have some fun to lighten my load. Will you help me laugh again?” Then you will find that as you take yourself a little less seriously, the serious matter of preventing a divorce becomes a little easier. Take this a step further by looking for ways to make your spouse laugh and have fun. This approach will help to restore quality back into the relationship and make sorting out the issues a little less stressful. Just be careful not to make a joke of everything.

The third  step is one that we have touched on throughout this article, which is to stop playing the blame game and take ownership of your part in creating the problem. This step is essential if you want to prevent a divorce. It is normal in a strained relationship to point the finger and blame someone else. While they may have issues they need to change they may well be more willing to work on them when they see you working on your issues. This step is not so much a response action like the first step, but a very deliberate consideration of your character and personality. Ask yourself the hard questions like, “What have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do about it?” “What is my partner saying is wrong with me or the relationship, is it true and what will I do about it?” “Do I need some professional help and will I get it?”

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When you become aware of what your issues are, write them down and decide to take steps to correct them. It may also be helpful to get a buddy that will help and support you through this time. When the time is right, it maybe helpful to talk with your spouse about what you’re doing. You might find that your approach to the problem may inspire and motivate them to do something similar.

Taking these steps will require a humble, loving and determined attitude and doesn’t guarantee success. It is also only be the beginning of what could be a long and painful journey. Further you may also find that either one or both of you needs some professional help. However if you’re willing to do the work you will be a better person for it and may also prevent a divorce and restore the loving relationship that you once had.


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‘The 15 Biggest Critical Mistakes Made in a Relationship and What You Should Have Done Instead!’



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