Many people have fond memories of courtship and early-married life but find that over time their marriage starts to have problems and think divorce is the way out. At a deeper level, they want to bring back the passion, joy and learn how to stop a divorce to save a marriage.
The key is to realize that romance starts when courtship begins and love develops sometime later. The falling in love experience is an emotional response while true love is an act of the will. Romance is about responding to impulses of attraction for mutual pleasure, while love is choosing to behave in a way that causes the benefit of another first and then the relationship followed lastly by personal benefit. Choosing to love in this way will often stimulate emotions that lead to passion and romance.
If you want to stop a divorce to save a marriage hoping to restore romance, then you need to figure true love into the equation. If you manage to stop a divorce there’s no guarantee that you’ll get romance back unless you choose to love first. Love tends to be reciprocated which is conducive to romance. However, it takes time, energy and effort to love until you get the romance back.
If the passion and romance has gone out of your marriage, it’s likely you inadvertently placed other things as a higher priority over the effort of love. This is easily done by those who confuse romance for love. Although love takes effort, it doesn’t have to be burdensome if you keep the goal of a healthy relationship before you. Remember the joy of what you once had and believe that true love will restore romance again.
By taking the steps necessary with acts of love, you may well stop the divorce, save the marriage and restore the romance with a stronger marriage than you had ever dreamed.
Start by being honest with each other and facing whatever issues are pulling you apart. A loving approach can overcome these issues. Some issues may be hard to deal with so you must develop a positive attitude and a mature approach. Choose to stop negative thoughts from being expressed.
Sadly, divorce statistics show that the failure rates of second and third marriages are higher than the divorce rate of first time marriages. One of the primary reasons for this is the misunderstanding of the difference between romance and love. If you don’t learn how to sustain the marriage relationship with true love then you would most likely be unable to stop a divorce and have the same problems if you married a second time.
If you’re in the fortunate position where your spouse also wants to see the marriage restored, then you need to communicate your needs, wants and problems. Start by writing them out on a sheet of paper. When you have completed the list, exchange them with each other, then give yourselves a day or so to consider what the other has written. Then sit down together and communicate what your response is to what the other has said.
It would be a good idea to do this even if your spouse was initially not co-operative, as it will help you to identify your needs. If this is the case, you can think back to what they liked and begin to do those things again. This may well be enough for them to start being responsive and communicate again.
Once you have gone through the lists, make a decision to work on those areas that will help you prioritize, develop and restore the relationship. You should also sit down together each week to discuss how things are working out. If you’re making progress, then celebrate, if not you may need to go for professional help. Maintain a positive attitude that you can restore what you once had.
Make a decision to be complimentary to each other whenever you see that an effort has been made in a particular area. Communicate your appreciation of the effort that they have put in. Tell them you see they’re trying to stop a divorce and restore romance, by simple acts of love.
If you will work at being in love then you will be in love and romance will follow. If you complain about the lack of romance, then you may well end up with nothing. Remember to stop a divorce you must choose to love until the romance returns.
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