Alone in a Marriage
Do you feel you’re all alone in a marriage because you’ve lost the love you once had? Do you seem to be the only one who cares about the problem? The good news is that although you’re the only one who cares, you can still be the instigator of change and restore the love and romance into your marriage.
Of course, as with all relationship difficulties, there are no guarantees and it may well be difficult to achieve. Decide to be strong and start by making a decision to be active and not passive about resolving the problem. Don’t let feelings of rejection or depression take control. Exercise to improve your mood and surround yourself with positive affirmations and encouraging friends.
Tips to help those alone in a marriage
Here are a few tips that are aimed to help those, “alone in a marriage”, and get things back on track before it’s too late:
1. Identify the root problems. This may be difficult if you’re spouse will not acknowledge a problem at all, but you need to begin by writing down a list as you see things. Include such things as; lack of communication, lack of responsiveness, lack of caring, lack of romance and so on. This way you will build up an overall picture of where things are really at in the relationship. It’s important to stay positive and not get overwhelmed at this point.
2. Brainstorm your problem list for solutions. Being alone in a marriage doesn’t mean to say you have to be alone in the problem. If you have a close friend you can call on, they might be able to offer a solution from a different perspective that you may not have considered. Write down every idea initially as you brainstorm until you have a good list of possibilities. Order the list from most to least likely possible to implement and achieve.
3. Take action on those that you can implement on your own. Don’t expect huge responses initially, just do them with genuine love, prayer and hope that they’ll be noticed. Stay positive and believe in yourself and the value of your marriage.
4. No matter what response you get to your initial efforts, try to communicate your intentions and desires. You could start by saying, “I’ve decided to make more of an effort to make our marriage a happy one that’s really enjoyable for both us. These are the things that I’ve begun doing and here’s a list of things that I need your help with. Can we talk about them”? Depending on the response, you will either be able to talk about them straight away, or suggest they just think about it and the benefits of co-operating with you. Try not to sound threatening but express yourself with love and firmness. Make sure you listen carefully to any responses and work them into the solution. Try to get, ‘your’ solution to be an, ‘our’ solution.
5. Acknowledge weaknesses and failings. If the process begins to surface areas that you are having difficulty with, it’s important to acknowledge them to your spouse. Be humble enough to ask them for suggestions and give them serious consideration. By taking these steps of humility, you will be drawing closer to each other and the sense of being alone in a marriage will begin to diminish. If you’re not able to overcome personal problems that are identified by either one of you, then consider going for counseling.
6. Take action on whatever you have decided. It is important to follow through on your decisions and “walk the talk.” Be persistent in trying out your new solutions. If at this point you feel you’re still, “alone in a marriage” just keep going. Love does not keep account and inspires like behavior. You may well find that either one day your spouse will come round or surface a deeper problem that you were not aware of that can be addressed.
7. Re-evaluate your progress continually. As yourself, whether or not the things you are doing are having a positive effect. If you find you’re making progress, then keep at it. If not, then it may be appropriate to try to communicate again. If after persistent attempts there is no apparent change, then you may need to get some professional help.
8. Remain positive about the value of your marriage and your ability to make it stronger and better than it is. Even if the worst should happen and the marriage breaks up, you will be a better person for the effort you have made and will at least know that you made every effort to make it workout.
It may not be easy when you are alone in a marriage, but the experience can make you a better person. Remember your efforts always have the possibility of restoring the marriage or even creating one better than you had.
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